Self Improvement for Beginners

Hey Guys! It’s been a while since I’ve last posted and thought, heck, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and many of us have trouble thinking of romantic ideas to surprise our loved ones with. I’ve had some trouble myself, thinking up romantic situations for my boyfriend and I. So, here I am, on Self Improvement for Beginners, sharing my experiences, ideas, and thoughts on what you can do for Valentine’s Day.

Know your special someone

It’s important to understand that these suggestions won’t work for everyone. It’s best if you know your special someone well enough to know things like, would he or she prefer something grand and public, or something private and quiet. Do they enjoy the comfort indoors, or do they enjoy the adventure of the outdoors? Knowing what your special other likes and dislikes are important to a successful valentine’s. Ask close friends or relatives if you must.

Have everything planned

When you know what your special other likes and wants, and how your relationship has been lately, then you can start planning your Valentine’s day itinerary. You can take them out to dinner, or stay at home and cook for them. If you feel that you haven’t been spending as much time together, you could plan a day of cuddling and movie watching at home, or perhaps take her out to a quiet dinner where you can talk and catch up.

Always dress well

Even though you’re only spending time at home with your special someone, it’s important to dress well. I don’t mean a full formal tux or evening gown, just not something that’s tattered, faded, or mismatched. Take some time to pick out your clothing and choose which will look the best in your surroundings.

Communicate with each other and enjoy yourself

Although it seems like you’re doing it for the other person, Valentine’s day celebrates a relationship between two people. That’s right, two. You should also enjoy yourself, when you do, usually your date picks up on it and starts to enjoy themselves as well. Don’t get so caught up in your plans that you’re mentally absent in the middle of your dates. Set up everything in advance so you can devote more attention to whomever you’re with.

If there’s a sudden awkward silence, don’t wait for the other person to break it. Since you probably know what they like, try to talk about something that interests them and try to keep the questions open (not answerable by yes or no) and off you.

Stay positive

Prevent yourself from uttering negative, derogatory, or demeaning phrases or words on this day. Show your special someone how much you treasure them. One way of doing this is to compliment them. It doesn’t have to be a flash, showy kind of compliment, but show them that you notice the little things about them. For example, I love the way you did your hair, or You look wonderful, or I feel so lucky being here with you. It may sound a little cheesy, but many people secretly appreciate it.

I love you

Some people say these words a lot, while others barely say it at all. Valentine’s day presents you with a perfect opportunity to tell them how your really feel, how much you love them, and to show and tell them how much you value them for being who they are.


I hope these tips help your on Valentine's Day!


Toodles,
Amy

Sometimes, when I walk to work, I like to look at the people I walk past—the woman jogging with her dog, the man selling newspapers, the boy watering the family’s front lawn. The other day, I noticed that many of the people I passed by look gloomy, sad, and dull—all of them were frowning (or at least had an apathetic look on their face)! Today, I realized that I, myself, had a neutral frown on my face. When I got home from work today, I told myself, “That, that’s what I’m going to write about on Self Improvement for Beginners! Learning how to smile.”

Smiling is not an automatic response for many people. Oftentimes, unless we catch ourselves, our faces settle into a semi-frown, or a frown if we’re stressed. I believe that we should smile more often. As they say, “Smile and the world smiles back at you.”

Smiling offers us the opportunity for a more positive outlook in life. It encourages us to think positive thoughts and it makes us seem more open. Although smiling when you’re alone is an undoubtedly good thing, smiling when others are present is even better. From its natural essence, smiling is an expression of happiness. From its natural form, it’s something to keep not only to ourselves, but we have to share it with others. It is an outward display of joy, but without something to view ourselves by, we cannot see our own smile.

Smiling allows us to go out of ourselves, and opens up opportunities to form relationships with others. On the “I” level, when we seem happier many people will tend to treat us happily as well, which in turn will probably improve our day. On the “other” level, smiling at others will cause a few of them to think we’re crazy, but for most people, it causes an improvement in their day and sometimes, they even smile back.

A key to happiness is not to stay focused on only yourself.

After all this talk about smiles, it’s important to know that the smiles mentioned above are either cordial, backed by good intentions, or a genuine, happy smile. People say that frowns use up a lot more face muscles than smiles. But I think that you shouldn’t smile just because it uses up less facial muscles, smile because you feel happy or because you want to make an effort to brighten yours, and others days up. Remember, Smile and the world smiles with you.


Toodles,
Amy

Hey Guys! It’s Amy from Self Improvement for Beginners wishing you a Happy New Year (though the greeting is quite late)! Already a week into 2009, are you still keeping your new year’s resolutions? New Year’s Resolutions are almost always made in good faith. However many, from experience, doubt their ability to keep them throughout the whole year even before the new year begins. I had this problem before and I want to share to you tips on how I, and other people, keep their new year’s resolutions.

Keeping your resolution is similar to making and following a goal (as mentioned in this previous article).

Keep it Real

The first step to keeping it, is to make sure it’s realistic and feasible. Why make a New Year’s Resolution you know you absolutely can’t keep? Why make too many resolutions? Start out with one, then make another one mid-year after you’ve achieved the first. Don’t be over ambitious but don’t aim too low either. If your goal is to lose 50 pounds in time for your high school reunion in early February, that’s a bit much and not to mention unhealthy, but that doesn’t mean that you’d have to lower it down to 2 pounds.

Details! Details!

Now that you have your resolution, make sure to list down the details. What do I aim to do? Why are you doing this? How are you going to do this? When are you going to start? When are you going to end? In our example, a question you’d also like to ask is How much am I going to lose? Detailing you reasons and how you’re going to go about your New Year’s Resolution makes it more concrete, real, and fully fleshed out.

Time Tables

With your resolution now coming into shape, it’s time to make a schedule. Schedules are important because, with them, the less prone you are to procrastinating and making up excuses. Also, these schedules help you keep track of your progress, which can further push you to achieve your resolution.

Put It On Paper

This is another way to make your resolution more concrete. Write down your resolution, all the details, and your schedule down. It also prevents you from lying to yourself or remembering things differently.

Tell Somebody

Now that you’ve finished fleshing out the skeleton of your resolution and giving it a path, tell somebody. In fact tell more than one person. Close friends and family can help you keep and remind you of your resolution. By keeping your resolutions to yourself, your family and friends might unwittingly throw huge obstacles and temptations in your path.

Get Back On Your Feet

In the span of a year, failing and straying from your resolution is almost inevitable. Don’t put yourself down because of it, and don’t give up. In fact, don’t put off continuing it. I have friends who, after they break their resolution, say, “I’ll start again tomorrow/next week”. This is bad practice, once you stray, try to get back on the path right away.

Reward Yourself

Give yourself a prize for achieving a step in your resolution. Like for our example above, once you’ve lost 10 of the 30 pounds you want to lose, treat yourself to a new dress or buy something you’ve wanted. Don’t forget to treat yourself to something big when you actually reach your final goal.

Only a few people (around 20%) are able to keep their New Year’s Resolutions, I hope these suggestions will help you become one of those people this 2009! Remember, don’t give up and reap the benefits of your resolution struggle! Have a Happy New Year everyone!

Toodles,
Amy

Trust Yourself, Then You Will Know How To Live

How can I build up my self esteem? Building self esteem is one of the crucial foundations of self improvement. Below, I’ll share some of the things I did in order to boost my self esteem from low to healthy. Getting healthy self esteem isn’t always as easy as many make it out to be. It’s probably not going to be easy, nor is it going to be instantaneous. For me, I had turned the suggestions below into habits, slowly ingraining them into my daily life and thoughts.

1. Respect yourself!
   Like in the Christian God’s ten commandments, the first in the list is always the most important and it’ll serve as the base of everything else. Having self-respect is crucial to raising self esteem. When you respect yourself, you wouldn’t accept someone else treating you derogatorily. If not from someone else, why should you tolerate it from yourself?


2. Be aware!
   Be conscious of how you think about yourself. Do you automatically think you can’t do something or do anything well? Catch yourself in the middle of your self-depreciating spiel and think positively.


3. Don’t always compare yourself to others!
   Everyone has something they’re good at. Comparing yourself to others, especially in a self-derogatory way, is bad for your self esteem. Perhaps Kate may be better at drawing, or Mike may be better at Math, but you have something you’re good at as well.


4. Learn more about yourself!
   What are you good at and what are you not so good at? What do you enjoy doing? What are your likes and dislikes? Knowing more about yourself is important to building self esteem. When you learn more about yourself, you can learn to better assert yourself in the areas where you are more proficient. Also, it can lead to building confidence (but hopefully not arrogance) in yourself and what you can do.


5. Hone your talents!
   Improving on your talents will help you build confidence in what you can do. It can also help you get better and more efficient at what you do. Much like in video games, it is important to level-up so you are better equipped to tackle more difficult things and situations.


6. Take pride in your work!
   Much like being aware, refrain from chalking up your work to external sources like luck, and stop downplaying your successes. Accept and take pride in what you can do and what you’ve accomplished!


7. Set a goal and keep track of it!
   Having an ultimate goal is crucial to success. Many actually do set goals, however many also fail to follow through with it. It’s good to aim high, but aim realistically. I’ve listed below some suggestions on how to set a goal, follow it, and keep track of it.

• Be as specific as you can
  This is very important when setting a goal. Setting vague goals aren’t enough. “I want to be rich” is not very specific. “What do you have to have to consider yourself rich? 40 million?” “By what age do you want to be rich?” Vague goals are more prone to changes and modifications (into lesser goals).


• Set deadlines
  Hand in hand with being specific, realistic deadlines are important. Given our earlier example, the deadliest deadline (when you get 40 million) isn’t the most important. Instead, the steps you take are what are most important. Set deadlines like, “I’ll have my first million when I’m 30, and my first 10 million when I’m 40.”


• List down options you can take to reach it
  Make a list of what you can do to reach your goal. In line with our example and setting deadlines, the question to ask here is, “What will I do to get my first million?”


• Stop procrastinating
  Now that you have your list and schedule, get your butt of the couch and actually do it. Procrastination is a horrible enemy to reaching your goals. It’s usually better to start now than starting later.

Toodles,
Amy

Healthy self esteem is a subject very dear to me in my personal quest for self improvement. A few years ago, I used to suffer from low self esteem, plagued by insecurities, especially about my wittiness, intellect, and weight. I would blame every negative experience I’ve ever had on me, and always watch what I say around others, being conscious to project a certain image. I was overly conscious of what I wore, often choosing to dress down and wear things I didn’t like over and over again to hide my “fat” figure. Overall, I was miserable and unhappy, though I did my best to convince myself otherwise.

Self esteem refers to the faith one has in one’s abilities and the confidence one has in his/her worth. And knowing how much credence you put in yourself and your abilities is one step towards self improvement for beginners.

According to the Mayo Clinic, there are three basic types of self esteem: Negative (or Low) Self Esteem, Overly High Self Esteem, and Healthy Self Esteem. When one does not have healthy self esteem, and one views one’s self, it is unavoidably littered with biases. This subjects one’s self to an elevated or brutal partial assessment. For example, a woman who views herself as close to perfection, or a man who is unsatisfied with the way his body looks even though he spends hours a week in the gym.

I’m My Own Worst Critic

Low self esteem is arguably the more popular of the three, wherein one is feels certain about their worthlessness or inferiority compared to others. People with low self esteem tend to

• Talk unfavorably to themselves and about their abilities,
• Focus negatively on their what they regard as their weaknesses and faults,
• Constantly and negatively judge themselves and what they do,
• Apologize frequently and refuse compliments about themselves and their abilities,
• Seek constant reassurance from others, and
• Not feel better even with positive feedback

Adam Jones, a guitarist, had once put it, “I’m my own worst critic.”

If I learned one thing from my philosophy classes, it’s that it’s impossible to totally detach oneself from one’s self and view one’s self in a totally objective manner. No matter how hard we try to objectively view ourselves, our view will always be tainted by our beliefs, biases, personal history, and our daily exposure.

People with low self esteem have a greater tendency to judge themselves negatively, and this is a self-limiting attitude, hindering their chance for self improvement.

Self-Conceit May Lead To Self-Destruction

Confidence in one’s self and one’s abilities is undoubtedly a good thing. However, arrogance is not, especially when it is used to cover up an individual’s insecurities. Overly high self esteem, in my opinion, is actually low self esteem, shielded by a coat of arrogance. It happens when this is present, an individual that displays an unrealistic, over inflated opinion of his abilities and himself. People with overly high esteem tend to

• Regard others as inferior when compared to the self,
• Have aggressive tendencies, especially when they feel threatened,
• Exhibit destructive behavior such as drug abuse and violence,
• Fabrication or Exaggeration of traits or experiences to show supremacy over others, and
• Talk down about other individuals and their traits in order to highlight their perceived superiority

Individuals with overly high self esteem are more prone to closing themselves off to personal growth, because they believe in their infallibility and perfection, thus stunting or heavily impeding their opportunity for self improvement.

Always Be A First-Rate Version Of Yourself

Self esteem is how one views himself/herself. It affects how individuals relate with others, and the decisions and choices one makes. It is what motivates and inspires people to strive to better themselves. With healthy self esteem, individuals value their self-worth leading them to

• Have confidence in themselves and their abilities,
• Nurture healthy relationships with others,
• Increase their ability to accept, weather, and solve challenges that come their way,
• Do well and excel in their chosen professions,
• Express their opinions and ideas, and open up to ideas of others, and
• Be more positive on their outlook in life

Healthy self esteem has the potential to help you live a better and more fulfilling life. With confidence in yourself and your abilities, it can help you strive to be the best person you can be. As Judy Garland had said, "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."


Toodles,
Amy

Hey guys! First post on my blog, Self improvement for beginners. This is my passion. I made this blog in order to share what I know about self improvement online, and to help and motivate others who want to improve themselves. I believe that Self improvement is a continuous and never ending, but immensely gratifying, process that will raise your quality of life and contribute to your personal growth. After all, given the chance, who wouldn't want to improve?

This blog will contain some self improvement articles, and selected links from other websites and blogs that may help you on your quest. Also, I'll make sure to include a few useful health tidbits (relevant, of course) for fun.


Toodles,
Amy